


Show Don't Tell - A Tiny Example of Using Description To Convey Emotion

by morganfm



Category: Fandom - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Writing, Gen, Good Writing, Meta, Show don't tell, Writing Exercise, for example, how to write good fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 10:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3205343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganfm/pseuds/morganfm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tinsey example scene that's probably inconsistent with canon where I used Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the (sorry) death of Hedwig to convey a point while working on explaining ways fanfiction is beneficial to readers and writers for my senior thesis. Not entirely fic, situated as meta.<br/>Punctuation and capitalization are questionable, fyi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Show Don't Tell - A Tiny Example of Using Description To Convey Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I think Hedwig died at some point in the canon of Harry Potter??? sorry I'm not the most informed Potterhead, I have work to do on that point once I finish my senior thesis. Hedwig's death just came from "Hmm, why would Harry be sad for the purposes of this descriptive exercise?" Enjoy this example of why fanfic is good for readers and writers.

Writing good fanfic improves one's way of observing not only the fictional but the actual world, forcing one to pay attention to description and habit and physical indicators of emotion.

writing: “Harry's owl, Hedwig, died and he was sad, so Hermione hugged him while Ron patted his shoulder.” is fanfic, but it's not good fanfic.

better fanfic would be: “After burying Hedwig, Harry and his two closest friends stood around the small grave. Harry teared up but tried to hide it, until Hermione threw her arms around him in sympathy. Even Ron tried to help by awkwardly patting him on the shoulder.”

even better fanfic is more like: “Hedwig hadn't just been a mail carrier. The snowy owl was the first actual present Harry had ever received, the day he found out that he was a wizard. But more than that, she was a friend. A friend he'd had before meeting Ron or Hermione, or ever going to Hogwarts. There were times she'd been cross with him, and he with her, but she'd always been there, even while he suffered summers at the Dursley's.  
Sniffing and roughly running the back of his hand over his eyes to hide threatening tears, Harry took a step back from the small mound of earth. Hermione tried to let him pretend he was alright, but couldn't stand to see him so upset. She wrapped her arms around him, and after a moment, he hugged back, burying his face in her coat.  
Displays of affection were not Ron's strong suit, but even he choked up a little before awkwardly patting Harry on the back.”

There's a difference between showing, and telling, even in writing. Saying “Harry is sad” does not give the reader much to go on. It does not engage them. Telling them he's tearing up tells them he's sad without treating them like second grade beginning readers. Good fanfic uses history and motivation and accepted truth to build plot and emotion in a way that an audience with built in expectations can enjoy and engage with.


End file.
